


holding you until you fall asleep

by bluepyjamas



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bottom Steve Rogers, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Top Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:55:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24583411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluepyjamas/pseuds/bluepyjamas
Summary: Steve has a nightmare; Bucky gives him a distraction.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 145





	holding you until you fall asleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stevebuckiest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevebuckiest/gifts).



> happy birthday carol :)

Awareness comes slowly to Bucky when he senses movement around him. Plastered to his chest, the muscles in Steve’s back shift and the sheets rustle softly with the movement, and the pillow dips when Steve burrows his face further into the soft fabric. The corners of Bucky’s lips tug up involuntarily – he loves seeing Steve like this, soft and warm and relaxed.

That is, until Steve jerks, a sudden contraction rippling through his entire body, and his arms tug at the sheets until cool air hits Bucky’s skin.

Bucky hurriedly scrambles to flick on the bedside lamp and goes back to wake Steve, but Steve’s already rolled onto his back, eyes wide and gasping for breath. “Steve,” Bucky murmurs, and his guy’s gaze immediately snaps to his, bare chest heaving with every gulp of air.

“Bucky,” he breathes.

Bucky wraps his arms around those shoulders, lets Steve rest his head in the crook of his neck. In his arms, Steve trembles with the aftershocks of his nightmare, and the little sniffling sounds he makes have Bucky’s heart clenching in his chest. Sometimes he wonders if Steve’s shoulders were made so wide just to carry the weight of the world.

Tenderly he brushes sweat-matted blond strands away from Steve’s forehead and presses kisses into his temples, running fingers down Steve’s back and rocking him gently in his embrace. Warm puffs of air land on Bucky’s neck as Steve’s breathing slowly comes back to normal and the tears dry.

Both of them have their fair share of night terrors, and while Bucky had them worse and more often, Steve’s ones got pretty bad sometimes. During one of the first nights they spent together in this new century, Steve quietly confesses that he often woke up alone with a throat sore from yelling and sweat-soaked sheets, when he woke up from the ice before he got Bucky back from Hydra. Sometimes obscure, sometimes vivid recollections of his life, most of them ending in absolute catastrophe and reality slipping away like sand between his fingers.

The worst dreams he has, he admits to Bucky in shame, is when he finds himself stumbling across Bucky’s body in the snow, limbs askew in strange angles and the snow under his torso stained red, red with blood. And that was when Bucky vowed never to leave Steve alone to his demons, because god knows how long he’s been quietly suffering because of them all along, with no one to relieve this torture for him.

Those experiences were something that they had to carry forever, but Bucky hopes they could share the burden, make it a little easier for both of them.

“Hey Stevie,” Bucky says, when Steve’s breathing gradually evens out and those arms around his torso loosen.

“Hey Buck,” Steve’s voice is muffled by the fabric of Bucky’s shirt. A kiss is pressed into the crook of his shoulder, and Steve straightens himself to look into Bucky’s eyes. “Thank you,” he says. Under the dim orange light of their lamp, the teardrops between his long lashes catch the light and glisten, and his lips are full and shiny. Bucky reaches out to cup Steve’s cheek and wipe at the tear tracks on his cheek with his thumb. His heart skips a beat when Steve leans into the touch, eyes closing.

“Feeling better now?” Bucky asks, voice nothing louder than a murmur.

Steve opens his eyes and smiles. “Better now that you’re here,” he replies, and turns his head to kiss Bucky’s palm.

“Sap,” Bucky says, but he’s smiling.

Steve says nothing to that, instead scoots closer. They rearrange themselves until they can resume their original position of both of them lying on their sides, Steve’s back pressed to Bucky’s chest. Bucky slings an arm over Steve’s waist and lets his fingers rest on his stomach, idly tracing shapes into the soft skin there. Peppering kisses into Steve’s shoulder and neck, he breathes in deeply – the smell of Steve’s shampoo drifts into his nostrils, faintly sweet and familiar.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks.

Steve’s reply comes after a beat of hesitation. “No, not really,” he says, “Same old stuff all over again, gets me every time.”

Bucky frowns. “Steve, you’ve gone through stuff no one should have to live through. Give yourself a break, baby.”

“I know,” Steve sighs, “I’m sorry, it just gets so frustrating sometimes. They don’t go away no matter what I do.”

And boy, did Bucky want out of all people understand that. All of them do, all the people who have walked straight into the jaws of death and come back alive, broken and at a certain, or multiple, points in their lives, wishing they’d died there instead so that they don’t have to be haunted for the rest of their lives. Sometimes Bucky wonders if the universe is fucking with them, throwing them into a brand new era where Steve is healthy and strong and they can be openly in love, but adding lifetimes worth of trauma as a cruel joke.

So he doesn’t say anything in answer, just tightens his embrace around Steve. When fingers come to intertwine with his and squeeze, he knows that Steve understands those unspoken words all the same.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Bucky asks.

“I want to forget about the dream,” Steve says quietly, “I want a distraction.”

Bucky contemplates briefly. “I could turn on Netflix? Grab you something to eat?”

Steve shakes his head. “I want a distraction,” he says again, more firmly this time, “I want you to distract me.”

 _Oh._ So that’s what he was looking for. A smile finds its way onto Bucky’s lips at the endearing way Steve asks for it, refusing to address it directly and instead making Bucky figure it out on his own. He bites gently at Steve’s earlobe because he knows it drives Steve crazy – and Steve responds beautifully, shivering and letting out a whimper at the sensation.

“Tell me, Stevie,” he whispers, pressing himself closer against Steve’s back, “Tell me what you want me to do.”

After a moment of consideration Steve slowly untangles their fingers, wraps his fingers around Bucky’s wrist and places Bucky’s palm onto his stomach. “You can touch me a bit more, for starters,” he says, and his voice is timid and soft and Bucky knows there’s a lovely flush on his cheeks right now.

Bucky lets his fingers glide up Steve’s side with a feather light touch. In his arms, Steve squirms a little and laughs, ticklish; Bucky’s chest hurts with how happy that little sound makes him, and his dick twitches when Steve unknowingly presses his ass back into his crotch, rubbing him just right. Unable to help himself, he nips at Steve’s earlobe again, earning himself a breathy giggle that turns halfway into a moan.

“Stop that, want you to touch me,” Steve complains, and how can Bucky refuse such an order?

He slips his hand down Steve’s torso until his fingers touch the waistband of Steve’s cotton pants. Tugging the drawstrings free, he barely dips his fingertips below the elastic band, feeling coarse hair graze the pads of his fingers. Steve makes an urgent little whine and Bucky relents, tugging Steve’s pants and boxers further down his thighs in one rough motion.

“Fuck,” Steve moans, hips jerking forward when Bucky finally wraps his hand around his cock, already half hard and wet at the tip. With his thumb, Bucky spreads the clear fluid down his shaft and drag slowly upwards. He keeps his strokes at a slow and even pace, reveling in how Steve pants and squirms, helplessly trapped between his arm and the mattress. Up and down, up and down, a stroke of his wrist, gradually coaxing Steve to full hardness. Quiet slick sounds begin to permeate the air, and combined with the sounds of Steve’s little moans they make a heady melody that makes Bucky hot all over.

His metal hand sneaks under Steve’s torso to cup one of his pecs, and Steve lets out a gasp, pushing his chest further into the cool sensation on his warm skin. Bucky places his chin on Steve’s shoulder and looks downward, and god, what an eyeful – silver metal on golden skin, a pink flush spreading down Steve’s body, the rosy red tip of Steve’s cock between his fingers.

“Feelin’ good?” He murmurs in Steve’s ear, and Steve gives a full body shudder – from Bucky’s stubble scraping the sensitive skin of his neck or the low rasp of Bucky’s voice or both. He nods his head and turns his head backwards, silently asking for a kiss which Bucky happily obliges. The angle is a bit awkward, but they make it work, Bucky cups Steve’s jaw and presses their mouths closer together. Steve melts into the kiss, neck going slack, upper body sinking into the pillows. When they pull apart, Steve’s mouth is red and shiny, and his blue eyes are half lidded and glazed over. _So goddamned worked up from just some stroking and kissing._ Bucky can’t resist the urge to take Steve’s mouth in another hard kiss, feels Steve flail around a bit before his hand blindly grabs Bucky’s forearm to ground himself.

“Turn over and wait here,” he says a little gruffly, and Steve scrambles to comply. Bucky tears his gaze away to quickly rid himself of his clothes and pull their bedside drawer open to retrieve the bottle of lube. Bottle in hand, he turns to look back at the mattress and – the sight Steve makes, arms above his head, the obscene curve of his spine to his ass, the contours and shadows of muscle underneath golden skin.

Bucky kneels on the mattress behind Steve’s raised hips and squeezes some lube onto his flesh fingers, warming up the cool gel. He places his metal hand onto Steve’s lower back, and Steve jolts a little at the sensation but soon relaxes into the touch, especially when Bucky slides his hand up and down his spine, the slow, languid motions lulling him into unclenching those fists bunching up the sheets.

With his lubed-up fingers, Bucky gently parts Steve’s cheeks and runs his index finger around Steve’s rim, spreading the now warm substance all over the puckered skin. He occasionally lets the very tip of his finger dip into his hole, just the tiniest hint of additional pressure, watches Steve’s hips push towards him whenever he’s spread open a little bit more.

“Bucky, p-please,” Steve pleads again, and with that Bucky slowly slides in his finger, all the while closely watching Steve’s face for any signs of discomfort. There’s none, only the slight furrowing of his brows as he gets used to the feeling, and the relieved sighs falling from that pretty, pretty mouth.

As he adds one more finger, he observes the different reactions of Steve’s body to his ministrations, reveling in the way Steve’s moans get louder and his cock leaks more into the sheets. Underneath his metal fingers, Steve’s muscles are trembling uncontrollably, and his moans are getting all shaky.

“You’re so good for me, Stevie,” he coos, when Steve loosens up enough for him to slide in one more finger. The stretch must be getting to Steve now, but Bucky keeps his movements slow and squeezes more lube onto his fingers. Steve hisses at the cold, and his back arches so deep that his entire chest is pressed into the mattress and his ass is up in the air. Wanting to soothe him, Bucky kisses the warm skin of his back where it stretches into the arch, tastes sweat and the familiar scent of Steve on his tongue.

Bucky knows it’s cruel, how he’s slowly bringing Steve to release but never speeding up to take him over the edge. But Steve looks so beautiful like this, caught between going completely lax when Bucky’s hand soothes over his back and thighs, and tensing up when Bucky’s fingers drag against his walls and graze a spot that feels particularly good. It must be driving Steve mad, this steadily building pleasure and the hand on his back holding him down, patronizingly comforting him with touches that do nothing to calm the urge sizzling under his skin.

“Please please please, want your cock in me now,” Steve finally grits out.

Bucky presses his forehead against Steve’s temple and drapes himself across Steve’s back. Carefully he rests his weight onto Steve’s body, pressing him into the mattress, not missing the way Steve immediately goes limp underneath him. Steve loves it like this, loves to feel small and pliant under Bucky, sheltered from everything else in this world.

“Gonna fuck you like this,” Bucky whispers, “You want that?”

“Yes, yes please,” Steve slurs.

A thrill runs down Bucky’s spine at how wrecked Steve sounds, and they’re not even fucking yet. He briefly detaches himself from Steve to slick his cock up with more lube, then he’s leaning forward again, running the tip of his cock around Steve’s hole, lightly teasing. At Steve’s indignant whine, he steadies himself on the mattress and slowly presses forward. His mouth falls open at the heat that immediately grips him, and he can feel his thighs shake with the exertion of holding himself back from thrusting forward.

Hot puffs of air leave Steve’s open mouth as he gasps, clenching and unclenching around Bucky’s cock. Bucky’s arms are shaking when he finally bottoms out and tucks his face into the crook of Steve’s neck, and he has to take in deep breaths and kiss Steve to distract himself from coming from the intoxicating feeling of being surrounded by Steve, warm and snug.

After a few moments of catching his breath, Steve raises his head and turns to the side so that Bucky can see the side of his face. His blue eyes are half closed, cheeks red. “You can move now,” he says.

It’s not really fucking more than it is him rocking back and forth into Steve, with their bodies pressed so close together limiting the range of motion. Bucky snakes a hand around Steve’s neck and holds his head up for a filthy kiss, licking into Steve’s open mouth. Steve can’t seem to stop moaning, and Bucky realizes soon enough that this position allows Steve’s cock to rub against the soft sheets with every thrust.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? Getting fucked on both ends,” he growls in Steve’s ear.

“So good,” Steve whispers, and his hands fly to grab Bucky’s wrists caging him in when Bucky delivers a particularly well-aimed thrust. “Oh my- oh, _oh_ , Buck!”

Bucky grabs a pillow and shoves it under Steve’s arms for him to hold onto. He wraps an arm around Steve’s shoulders, sliding the other hand to hold onto his hip. Like this, he can draw out longer before pushing back in while remaining the same contact between their bodies, yet he still doesn’t pick up the pace, instead grinding in deeper at the same tempo. Beneath him, Steve’s reduced to panting and whining, taking whatever Bucky’s giving him. His head is thrown back onto Bucky’s shoulder, and Bucky takes advantage of it to suck bruises and bite marks into his exposed neck.

“You close, baby?” Bucky murmurs, and Steve nods his head frantically.

“Come on, want you to come just like this, think you can do that?”

“Yes, yes, anything you want,” Steve moans, and with that Bucky finally speeds up his movements, his grip on Steve’s hip tightening until he’s sure there’d be bruises later. After a few thrusts Steve’s crying out and collapsing onto the mattress, coming all over their bedsheets. The tightening around Bucky’s cock tips him over the edge, and he comes into the warm grip of Steve’s body. Falling onto Steve’s back, he fucks into Steve during the aftershocks; Steve trembles beneath him, sensitive.

His shoulder-length hair falls all over his and Steve’s shoulders, and it briefly shields their vision from the bedroom they’re in. With two fingers he tips Steve’s face towards him and presses their mouths together. Their kiss is long and slow – Bucky just wants to bring Steve down from the high of his orgasm. He runs fingers through the blond strands of Steve’s hair, some damp with sweat, and gently cups the back of Steve’s neck in his hand. Steve relaxes into the hold, melts against Bucky into the soft mattress.

Pulling apart, Bucky rolls off of Steve, who sighs when the weight on him is gone. His eyes are still a bit glazed over, but they’re sharper now than before, and they're all scrunched up in a smile that makes his kiss-swollen lips look all the more irresistible.

“What’s got you so happy, huh?” Bucky asks, reaches out to cup one of Steve’s pink cheeks. His guy’s all soft and sweet, just bathing in the afterglow. With his sweat-slick skin illuminated by their lamp, he looks simply delectable, like a god that found his way in Bucky’s bedsheets.

Steve gives a little shrug. “Well, I mean, I did just have some amazing sex,” he says like it’s nothing, and Bucky has to give him shit for that, messes his hair up a little. “Hey, no, I’m just saying!”

“I don’t know how you’re happy when you got jizz all over you. You sure you don’t wanna wash up? I can help you with that,” Bucky offers.

Steve stretches out his limbs. “Nah, I think I’m good. I’m tired, just wanna rest up a bit now,” he says, “You can wake me up in ten minutes.” With that he snuggles in closer, puts his head on Bucky’s chest and an arm over his stomach.

Bucky wraps an arm around Steve’s shoulders, and kisses his forehead. “Ten minutes, huh,” he says.

“Yeah,” comes Steve’s drowsy reply, words already slurring together a bit. Soft lips press against his chest, right above where his heart thumps a steady beat against his ribcage. “Thanks Bucky, you always know how to take care of me.”

Ten minutes, Bucky mutters to himself, closing his eyes.

(The next time they open their eyes, it’s 9 o’clock in the morning and Steve has 5 missed calls from Sam asking him if he’s still up for their morning run. It was all worth it though, when Bucky follows Steve into the bathroom and watches him in the mirror, still bleary-eyed but looking very well-rested and almost glowing. He can’t help but wrap his arms around Steve, press his fingers into the grooves where he’d gripped Steve’s hips the night before, where bruises would’ve formed.

“Sleep well, baby?” He asks, and he’s playing dirty when he rubs his stubbled chin into the bare skin behind Steve’s ear.

Steve slaps his arm but turns in Bucky arms to kiss him. “Yeah,” he whispers, and his eyes are bright, “Thank you so much, Buck.”)

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bluepyjamas)


End file.
